Being half Finnish and accustomed to the Finnish way of life, this film resonated deeply within me. I found myself either extremely melancholy or crying throughout the program. This is what I learned:

a. The man who played Tom, reminded me greatly of my grandfather who passed away just this past August. It was a sad reminder that he was the last direct tie from a special era, back home (home would be Vaasa, Finland).

b. That it is possible that due to the Finns past hardships in life (hundreds of years) that they have learned the art of aloneness and what it means to be alone and still have a life.

c. That silence is golden. Your actions far better speak louder than your mouth. And speak simply.

d. What you do in life, do it well.

e. Show integrity in everything you do.

f. That Sisu is a God-given gift. Without it, a Finn wouldn’t be a Finn. Or existing for that matter.

g. Patriotism for Finland comes first even before family. And believe me, that is saying something. Farmers in WWII fought the Russian’s back to their own country with pitch-forks. If that isn’t “Sisu,” I don’t know what it is…..perhaps a bit of insanity, lol.

h. That I am deeply homesick for my mothers homeland and a country I have never visited.

I don’t know where to start, its been so very long so I will start with the present. My life is filled with so many mundane things and the only thing that keeps my mind from absolute dullness are my dreams at night. I dreamt of my girlfriend’s husband last night. In my dream I told him that I’d have to get a hold of his wife soon. His reply was: “don’t be surprised if she’s angry with you.” God, she has been on my mind lately. I miss her. After twenty-five years of friendship, we have grown apart and have not spoken for almost three years. Its for the best really and I’m o.k. with the way things are. We are such different individuals now. She also deserves a well needed break from my ten years of wailing about past miseries. My friend had always shown me nothing but loyalty, understanding and provided me with wisdom when I couldn’t think straight. On the flip-side, her steadfast jealousy of my looks sometimes became too much to bear. I felt that it was time to slowly let her go. She has two kids and a new home now. I suspect she is having great difficulty balancing her family and career life. I’ve always felt that she was not the motherly type. I sincerely hope she is well and happy.

So what are you doing right now? What does life look like on your end of things?

I cleaned and re-did my dedication shelves near my computer tonite. The shelves line up vertically on the wall beside me. The bottom shelf displays items given to me from an ex-employer and some things I purchased from a beloved, previous job that I had many years ago. These things remind me not to abandon the Great Mystery or lose hope and it strengthens my Spirituality. In the front of these things is a delicate maroon coloured candle holder and an incense holder where I burn Moldavite. This shelf is very- “Universal.“

The middle shelf is dedicated to Buddhist Dharma and what Buddha represents. A Winged Horse Flag that that I made, lines the back wall of the shelf. A small Kwan Yin sits to the left and a brass, laughing Buddha sits on the right. In the middle, sits an androgynous clay figure that melds together both feminine and masculine qualities. A quiet reminder that life is full of opposites and without them, nothing is completely whole. Around this figurines neck is a delicate bracelet woven with purple, freshwater pearls that the same ex-employer I mentioned above, gave me. In front of this androgynous figure, sits a stone that has been transformed into a candle holder and is complimented by an interesting, twisted stick that I found years ago and polished. This shelf has a very earthy and grounded quality about it.

The upper shelf is dedicated to the Divine Feminine and to illumination. In the centre of this shelf, sits a white goddess figurine. A tree is carved, covering the lower half of her body while her arms are stretched upwards and locked together over her head. A white gauze scarf imprinted with the same figure, is draped covering the inside walls of the shelf, encircling the feminine figurine. A green candle holder sits in front and slightly to the left of her. Bismuth and a small bed of quartz crystal points sit in front of her. Behind the figurine stands a tall, Finnish flag. Why? Not only because I’m half Finnish, but because Finland has a definite feminine essence about it and if you look closely at a world map, you will see the country is shaped like a woman. Do you want to know something interesting? “The Maiden of Finland” personifies Finland and the countries independence . In paintings, the Maiden is depicted as defending the Finnish book of law whilst wearing the national colours of blue and white. I cannot help but feel a tie between the flag and the figurine. White is such a clean, fresh colour. It represents truth, purity, spirituality and enlightenment. It seemed fitting that this shelf be put together in this way at the top- like a crown chakra.

It was good to start writing to you. I will for sure, continue.

Love to you,

Madelyne

Have to ask my heart what it wanted,

Because of all the desires I have ever known , just one did I cling to-

For it was the essence of

All desire:

To hold beauty in

My soul’s

Arms

~St. Teresa of Avila